Acid Beach

    I can still remember the way the waves’ hushing soothed me to sleep. Never in a million years could you have come to me and said, “One day you will be on a beach tripping balls.” But what is life if not a long list of things you never believed you would do? I recall every detail: the soft, almost cloud-like feeling of the sand underneath my body holding me while the ocean’s song brought on slumber. Slowly, the wooden walk that stretched above our heads turned soft and plush, leaving me no choice but to hold onto it. My friends passed a joint around, but I was too consumed with the smell of oak, seawater, and burning wood. Filling my lungs, the aromas made refuge in my bones, calming even the deepest feelings of anxiety. Then she kissed me, her familiar scent snuggling up to my ribcage and reminding me why I ever agreed to this in the first place. I could have died on her lips, leaving this earth the only way God ever intended—so happy you could piss yourself, and it wouldn’t even matter. Her arms wrapped around me, and it was as if an angel was caressing me. We were two grown women sitting in a bear hug on the sand at two AM, but none of that mattered because, in addition to the ecstasy and acid in my system, I was full of love that reverberated between us.

Tropical island paradise

    It's really hot! What I wouldn't give to have air conditioning again. I hate coconuts! I used to love them; they were my trip to a tropical paradise while casually walking around the mall. But now, all there is to eat are coconuts and fish. I miss a lot of stuff that used to not matter: tap water at 11:30 at night, my cat snuggled in bed next to me, my wedding ring. I look at the sand in between my toes and pretend it's him. He's there, making a home inside me. I start to cry because it's not fair. I start to cry because it's not enough. I pick up the sand with my hands and kiss it, if only that were enough. How my body yearns to feel his touch again, even if only for a moment. I sit in the sand and close my eyes while my hand plunges deep into it. I remember his hands caressing my cheek, and while looking into his eyes, he kisses my lips, leaving my body languid and wanting more.