Mean music

I fell in love with a thin boy.
Whose bones were like a Xylophone,
I played loving notes on them until he asked,
"How's it back home?"
My heart raced,
pounding in my head.

Back home Dad "watched our weight."
So when the vultures come back all they find is bones.
Claiming my beautiful fair skin could've gotten me 1st place if it were not for my ridiculously large ass.

He says, "That is so mean."

mean.

mean he says...

Mean is when your mere presence insights cruel laughter that turns everyday citizens into monsters.

Mean is the never-ending list of names they gave me so I could have something to carve into my grotesque stomach with a razor.

Mean is when you hold your breath because if they can't hear me maybe they can't see me.

Mean.

Mean he says...

Mean is when every day is a living hell and even though you have begged God to end your suffering he has granted you another day of breathing.

Mean is the cruel joke that I am only pretty if I am thin but I am supposed to eat every day.

Mean is the endless exercising and dieting I do in hope of being seen as human in the eyes of the world I live in.

Mean is the tampons they tied in my hair to warn me staying fat was going to get me in trouble.

Mean is the popular boy asking you out as a joke because it is hilarious to see a heart swoon at the thought of such an absurd impossibility.

Mean is the food that was dumped on my tray as children finished eating, like a trough for a pig.

I'm crying.
Because I know all too well what mean is.

"I think you are beautiful," he says.

The tears are flowing down my face, I always loved music but my body will never sound like yours.

He smiles, "But you, my dear, are so much more than an instrument."

Pain is personal.

She is full of sparks,
everything she touches ignites. 
These are not feelings,
all these beings.
Asked to see the best,
yet criticized for lack of rest.
How could she sleep?
These beautiful stars,
heartfelt songs,
everything coloring her skin.
Drifting saturated. 
The blank canvases are overwhelmed by her color,
she drifts further.
Why can't you see the world like I do?
When did beige become so fulfilling? 
I want to hold hands,
let our colors collide,
I don't want to hide.
Those few thought-provoking seconds are never enough.
I have books on my brain.
My heart hurts,
she hurts often.
Such a wonderful world and she is wrong for loving it?
They want plastic flowers,
instead of these live roses. 

Copyright 2018 THMelton

Anemone

The smell...
It pulled me in,
I fell.
Lika a fish,
Let me swim,
Be my anemone.
They will say,
"His love stung"
They didn't know,
I was made for you.
Just a little longer...
While I memorize,
The smell.
And the way,
Your brain works..
The pitch of your,
Voice...
I can see me,
Protected by you!
.
.
.
.
.
And that kills me
Because,
You will never want me.
I wasn't made beautifully.....

Acid Beach

I can still remember the way the waves hushing soothed me to sleep. Never in a million years could you have come to me and said “One day you will be on a beach tripping balls” but, what is life if not a long list of things you never believed you would do. I recall every detail: the soft almost cloud-like feeling of the sand underneath my body holding me, while the ocean’s song brought on slumber. Slowly the wooden walk that stretched above our heads turned soft and plush like leaving me no choice but to hold onto it. My friends passed a joint around but, I was too consumed with the smell of oak, sea water, and burning wood. Filling my lungs, the aromas made refuge in my bones calming even the deepest feelings of anxiety. Then she kissed me, her familiar scent snuggling up to my ribcage and reminding me why I ever agreed to this in the first place. I could have died on her lips leaving this earth the only way God ever intended so, happy you could piss yourself and it wouldn’t even matter. Her arms wrapped around me and it was as if an angel was caressing me. We were two grown women sitting in a bear hug on the sand at two AM but, none of that mattered because in addition to the ecstasy and acid in my system I was full of love that reverberated between us. 

Home

Over a hundred thousand miles away lies a large white home with boarded up windows and two broken front steps. Stuck in the middle of an almost desert-like wasteland it sits patiently. Hoping the next family to happen upon it will have the strength to fix its smashed windows, congested pipes, sieve-like ceilings, and spine-chilling garage. Believe it or not, a young spunky little eight-year-old called this monstrosity home for a long time. Making mud pies in its abandoned lot and playing on the dilapidated swing set that sat up against the whitish siding. Her parent's power washed the siding once thinking this dusty turd merely needed a new coat of paint or, in this case, to have its coat of paint cleaned and, it would transform into a gem. Unfortunate you can dip a piece of crap in chocolate but, that doesn’t make it a delicacy. Nightmares of horrifying branches grabbing at her in sleep made the years she stayed there restless. Moving away was an answered prayer but, to this day she thinks of its pastoral scene and wonders, what of its lonely heart?

5 Perspectives

Today we are speaking to a few shaken pedestrians after what seems to be a drunk driving accident.

At 4:29 am this morning we received news of strange driving on route 3 and here to tell us more is Taylor county’s very own Sheriff Sparks, Sheriff?

Sheriff: We had received a few disturbing calls from residents at around 4 am and we decided to send a dispatch unit out to go investigate. Unfortunately, when we got there several people were hurt in addition to a deceased driver in a white Ford Ultimo. After alerting the paramedics we went ahead and got a few testimonies. Several people described hearing loud noises at about 3:45 am and some people even said they thought it was drag racing from the squealing sound of the tires. From the tread marks, we saw upon arrival we have reason to believe it may have been a drunk driving accident where the intoxicated driver swerved out of the way to prevent from hitting something and crashed into the rail and while the seat belt kept the driver in his vehicle the force of the impact crushed his skull killing him on impact. Luckily the driver did not hurt anyone else there was a young teen we sent to the hospital to have checked out she was in the passenger seat and suffered minor injuries.

Thank you so much Sheriff Sparks and after this break Morning news at 9 will let you hear from first-hand testimonies, my name is Jerry Star and this is Morning News at 9!

(Commercial break)

Welcome back Taylor county and welcome to Morning News at 9 after a fatal drunk driving accident that killed the driver and injured a young teen we have news anchor Jerry Star at the scene to give us a first-hand testimony to the carnage, Jerry?

Hello Martha, many locals I have interviewed this morning say they could tell something was amiss when their usually quiet morning commutes and preparations for school were interrupted by loud tire screeching and soon after a loud crash. Here to talk to us about what she heard is Mrs. Dianne Smith who was getting ready to go to work before she heard the loud screeching and was the first to call the Taylor county dispatch.

Mrs. Smith: I was getting ready in my bathroom, it faces route 3, and while I was straitening my hair I heard some loud screeching I was already on my way to call the police when I heard screaming coming from the road, I told the police everything I saw while I looked out my bathroom window. I saw the car swerve to miss something in the road and it crashed into the railing, I heard the screaming when the car swerved but, after the car crashed the screaming stopped I expected the worst. I am glad no one else was hurt but it’s still very sad what happened to the driver.

Thank you for your testimony Mrs. Smith and up next to tell you the details of the crash our Morning News at 9 accident experts, back to you Martha.

Martha: Well here in the Morning News at 9 studio we have local crash expert Tom Robbins here to tells about the facts of the crash, now Tom I think the first question on everyone’s mind is what really happened?

Tom: Well, Martha I wasn’t there but, from a close examination of the crime scene photos it becomes clear there is no way this could have been a drunk driving accident. The tire marks in the road show a sudden stop indicating a five-second reaction time and there is no way someone who was inebriated could have stopped that quickly. In addition, we have a young teen's testimony that proves foul play.

Martha: Well that is certainly stressful news Tom but, Morning News at 9 will be right back to get you the details right after these messages from our sponsors.

And we are back Morning News at 9 has the latest on all local news. Before we left Tom, our crash expert said, the tire marks indicated drunk driving is not a possibility and that the teen found at the scene has given a testimony has revealed foul play. Here to give you the details is our field reporter Jerry Star who is at Glory’s Pass Hospital to talk to this young teen, Jerry?

Jerry: Thank you, Martha, here at Glory’s Pass Hospital is a young teen who suffered a major spine injury. Upon arrival at the scene of the crime the teen looked to be fine merely scraped up and scared but, after admitting her to the emergency room the head surgeon says, she is lucky to be alive. Unfortunately, we have just received word that the family does not wish for their daughter’s testimony to be aired so this is where the story ends, until next time Taylor county this is Jerry Star your eyes and ears for all local news!

A young woman who looks to be about twenty-five or so comes into the young teen’s room. The teen’s condition is critical while, she is still conscious and able to communicate her body remains immobile from the neck down.

Detective Banks: Hello, my name is detective Banks we were sent from the Taylor county deputies office to get your testimony and we have your parents’ consent and whenever you are ready I would like to hear your statement.

The young teen lets tears roll down her face.

Debra Cohen: (Through tears) I need to speak to my lawyer, please.

The detective looks back at the teen who has yet to make eye contact with a worried expression.

Detective Banks: Of course, I will have the nurse bring you a phone.

After the detective leaves, a few minutes’ pass and a plump usually cheerful nurse, now wearing a look of sadness places on the tray table next to the teen.

Nurse Donald: I need to dial the number for you and I will put it on speaker and leave so, you can use the phone in private darling.

Debra Cohen: 980-0577

The nurse quickly punches the numbers into the phone hits the speaker phone and leaves the room. Nurse Donald then shoos away some lingering orderlies from the outside of the hallway. The phone rings two times before the other end picks up.

Luke Cohen: Hey, are you ok? I heard on the news that you are paralyzed, is that true? What happened Debra?

DC: Do have uncle John’s number?

LC: Of course,

DC: After I explain everything I need you to call him and tell him to come down to the hospital to help me talk to the detective. I don’t want you to call anyone else not even mom and dad. There in Copenhagen, so they're probably not watching the news. Call Aunt Jena and tell her to keep her mouth shut.

LC: I can do that. Please tell me what happened.

DC: I was at the train station this morning ready to leave to go back to UFCU and there was a man watching me, I didn’t think much of it because, ever since I got my boob job guys stare so, I just ignored him. He followed me into the ticket booth and I was about to turn around to ask him what his problem was when he grabbed me. He put a rag over my mouth and everything went dark, when I came to I was in a car going way to fast down route 3, he kept saying something repeatedly but, I don’t know what it was its like it was a different language. I couldn’t really hear anything very clearly but, I saw something in the road ahead and I screamed he looked back at the road swerved and hit the railing. His airbag didn’t open and his head smashed into the steering wheel. There was blood all over me and I couldn’t move I couldn’t feel anything, I still don’t feel anything.

LC: I am going to call John just hold tight ok?

DC: The nurses said there was a lot of blood in my pants. I think he may have-

LC: Let’s just call John and go from there ok, I will make sure he is quick. I love you, sis, I will call you when I know he is on his way. 

Debra looks up expecting the nurse to be at any moment and an orderly has come in she expected him to hang up the phone.

Orderly: Are you Debra Cohen?

DC: Yes.

The orderly pulls out a pistol with a silencer on it and quickly shoots her in the head. The orderly quickly pulls out a cell phone and hits speed dial.

Orderly: She’s dead.

Phone Voice: No loose ends Hank.

With that, the orderly hangs up the phone and quickly but, without arising suspicion goes out to his car parked in the east wing parking lot. He grabs the syringe out of his glove compartment and injects himself with a lethal dose of heroin.

Orderly: You’re going to be ok Rebecca, your safe now.

About thirty minutes’ pass and the orderly is dead and the entire hospital is on lockdown while police scan the entire perimeter looking for whoever shot Debra Cohen. No one is allowed to leave the hospital grounds until the perpetrator has been found.

Suicide

I laid face up vomit blocking my airway and my thoughts were consumed by the persistent rejection that wounded me. The doctor asked me, “Why did you try to kill yourself?” I was tired of answering this question, to be honest, there were lots of reasons but, none of them were the right ones. “Have you ever wondered why you want to be alive?” she looked back at me halfway smirking as if to say checkmate, “Of course, I remember all the people who love me and all the people who need me.” I smiled, “Consider yourself lucky some of us will never know how that feels.” She never came back to talk with me.