Winter time has a hold on me.
From the frozen cherry tree.
Whose love I knew was free.
To warm breezes but not me.
Time promised me a spring bride.
From winter's melting towers stride.
Whose warmth towards me never shied.
Until Fall came forth, chilling my bride.
Have the world's leaves turned?
From the sun's rays, the green burned.
Whose embers’ heat I had learned.
Could the sun forgive my heart?
For turning?
From stride to stumble
as the leaves under me
crumbled.
I asked her to hold me
but winter came
and froze me.
So now when snow falls
I become one with the ground
hoping that beautiful sound
is you.
I feel as though these roots burden my steps, and yet I hold it against you that I cling to the ground.
As if you are to blame for gravity or safety.
Nobody told me how to feel, so I lie awake wondering if this is real.
How the sky is blue or the ocean is deep, or how my heart beats for you.
In that moment, you were not to blame.
You never asked to become my moon and stars.
Yet here I lie, wishing you could read my thoughts
or wanting the world to be what it is not.
I lied to you.
I lied to myself.
But worst of all,
my lie is rooted so deep I don't know what's real.
Maybe I will wake up, and this will all be a dream.
I am afraid.
Because I love this nightmare too much to believe it isn't real.
For every bit of truth I found to be meaningless
and every strength I had to be powerless.
All this time I've spent
willing the ocean to be solid and still
has only left me tired and cold.
The most important piece of myself isn't real
and I'm terrified of that truth.
Because it means I've spent my life being someone I'm not,
and here I am at the beginning of possibility with no direction.
Take a step and breathe me in.
However you take your vices—
up your nose or through your veins—
don't stop, breathe me in.
He said, "It hurts."
"Don't be such a baby."
You wanted to know how it feels.
Take a step back,
hold your breath,
suck it up,
suck it in.
If these were just numbers, then why are you here?
These bones are hidden
beneath the skin,
so scared of the truth,
you've become thin.
Shhhh, "We don't use that word,"
like the truth is gonna hurt me.
I loved shots as a kid;
shoot me up,
don't stop, breathe me in.
How does it feel?
The short, cold, painful breathing,
like a clownfish.
This pack of menthols
is my sea anemone—
don't stop, breathe me in.
Drugs are bad,
but so is food,
and yet they say you're sick,
and fat people are too.
I guess I was never good at perfection.
I made a home in your bones,
so even when you're cold,
I'll warm you.
Let me love you
like the moon loves the sun.
She warms the day;
He cools the night.
And with the breezes in between,
they breathed life into us—
don't stop, breathe me in.
Let me make refuge in your lungs,
so every empty word
fills itself with hope,
and every bad dream
has a happy ending.
Let my light reach you.
I have a heavy hurt with you.
I love you because I'm trapped,
and with you,
I am free.
